Day 4 - The No Mirror Meltdown

On the evening of day 3, right before I went to bed, I covered every single mirror in my room (I have 2 in my bedroom, and one in my bathroom.) The purpose of this was to force me to not look in the mirror when I got ready the following morning...

Things felt different the second I woke up. I have a dressing table right in line with my head when I sit up in bed. When I got out in the bed to see what weird shapes my sleep had made to my hair, I caught a fright and almost felt dizzy when I didn't see my drowsy face looking back at me. And when I went into the bathroom, knowing fully that the mirror was covered, I still felt shocked that I couldn't see myself! I didn't know whether I still had toothpaste on the corner of my mouth after I brushed my teeth, or if I still had sleep in my eyes, or if I was having a bad hair day, and I found it highly frustrating! 

Things only got worse when I tried to get dressed. My cat watched me in awe as I raced around the room, taking clothes on and off, and throwing them left and right. Nomatter what I put on, I it just felt wrong, and it took an enormous amount of self-restraint to stop myself from running into my parent's room to check how I looked in their mirror.

When I saw other people, and asked them how I looked, they seemed to find it strange that I wanted to know the answer. Many just looked me up and down, and said: 'I don't know, the same?' So once again, I find myself wondering if either the world is blind, or if I am an obsessive perfectionist to think that I couldn't possibly look as good as usual without looking in a mirror.

What shocked me most about the day, was how hard it was to not look in the mirror. I forced myself to look away from any glass surfaces, and counted how many times I was tempted to break today's rule. The result was a shocker, it came to 56! I couldn't believe how much I look at myself on a daily basis? Is because I am vein, and I just like what I see when I look in the mirror? HELL NO! That's not how I feel at all when I look in the mirror. In fact, all I see is someone that doesn't shape up to my own standards. But if I don't like what I see, then why do I still look at my reflection so many times? I think it's because although I may not be up to scratch as a person by my own standards, I still try to shape up to the standards of others in my appearance, and so? I check, and check and check again to make sure that I am consistantly as perfect as I can possibly be at the time... It really is a sad and pathetic situation. So far this mission has only made me feel even worse about society's power over me, more than it is freeing me from that power. :(

image is from http://www.anneyb.com.au/images/messy_makeup.png

“Maturity is that time when the mirrors in our mind turn to windows and instead of seeing the reflection of ourselves we see others.”